A Call From The Doctor's Office.....

Friday, 29th September 2017.

I received 5 missed call from Dr Neha early in the morning.

I was still asleep as my shift starts at 1400hrs...

Initially it was an unknown number, which usually I don't really entertain.
*blame all these insurance and credit cards telemarketers for this*

So I decide to answer it...

Me: Hello....*sleepyhead*

Dr: Hi Hello... Can  I speak to ******?

Me: Yes... ******* speaking..

Dr: Hi Dear, can i verify your IC number please?

Me: ***********

Dr: Thanks dear, alright so sorry to bother you early in the morning, I just want to convey the message fast on the blood test results.

Me: *alert & attentive*....yes sure..

Dr: Ok, It seems that your Rubella Virus IGG Antibodies are negative. We need you to get a vaccine for it.. Don't worry, about 20% of ladies who wants to get pregnant has this and requires the vaccine. But do take note that you need to avoid 3 MONTHS from getting pregnant when you are on this vaccine.

Me:........oh.......*heart breaks alil*

Dr: Yeahh....But don't worry, you are still young, we can resume the conceiving plans once it's over. It's actually a good preparation to ensure that your child will not be exposed to all these viruses as you are working in the healthcare industry and facing individuals who might be carrying such viruses. It could cause Heart & Brain damage to the fetus. So it's good that we detected it dear. *paused and waiting for my respond*.....oh.. And also, seems that your HbA1C is on the high side..

Me:....hmm... How high is it, doc? *felt anxious*

Dr: It's 7.2 currently. The normal levels should be 6.4 and lower..

Me:.....Ohhh....

Dr: Yes..  So I've schedule you to get an OGT Test to see if you are diabetic or not..

Me: *getting much upset upon the news but tried to act fine*......Oh sure!.. So when can i come over?

Dr: I will prepare your documents for the MMR Vaccines and the OGT Form and leave it at the counter today. You can have it done in  your department or you can have it taken  here in the clinic before your next consultation appointment with me.. As for the other test, your T4 & FSH are normal, your HB count  are great and so are your Full Blood Count test. And you can take the Rubella Vaccine on the same day of your HyFoSy mid Oct alright.. And we can prepare for you and ensure your body is ready to conceived in January next year.

Me: .........*clear my throat*...Alright Dr Neha, thank you..

Dr: No problem dear, don't worry we will try our best to make it smooth for you..

Me: I really hope so too...

*Hung up*

I recalled, sitting on my bed, dazing and started to cry... alone in the room... I felt so emotional... I had that "I HATE MYSELF" kind of emotions running through my head and heart.. "I can't get pregnant after my HyFoSy procedure??" I couldn't stop my tears from pouring out.. I really can't... It was like a faulty tap that keeps water running.. 

I've made plans that if i were to conceived on Oct, our lil miracle will be born in July, and it could be the best gift for Mountain Bear as it was his birthday month. All was ruined, i kept chanting to myself... 

Looking at the clock with my swollen eyes, i saw its almost 1130hrs... Got up, tried to relax myself and head in for a shower. 

Still crying though...

Looked myself in  the mirror..."oh my god babe, look at those red eyes.. You need to work!!" So calm myself under the running rain shower and istighfar...

"Allah is the best planner.." I keep chanting to myself....

So wash and dry up, clean myself and decide to drop by the hospital to get the documents and jab..

Decide to message Mountain Bear on it.. But I couldn't gather the courage to speak to him without crying.

He called few times but i had to reject his call.. I literally couldn't talk. I was choking on my tears. And decide to tell him through SMS instead.

It was tough for me.. I felt so useless and upset with myself. What did I do wrong in life that I was given such obstacles? I almost felt I was going into a depression state. Almost being in a denial state.

But Mountain Bear has been very supportive and understanding. He even said, "Takpe, ini dugaan kite.. Insyallah all will be ok :)" [It's alright this is our obstacles, God Will, it will be just fine..]

Masyallah... Thank you Allah for sending Mountain Bear for me.. 

Being in this chaos roller coaster hormones state, it's a blessing to have a partner who is really rooted to reality and help you to sync better...

Thank you love... Thank you so much... your wife really needs that...

Tried to snap out of it, manage to get my uncle to fetch me from home and have me drive to the hospital. Uncle was concern, seeing me so down and sad. I just decide to tell him that I need to get some documents and additional blood test to be done. He was supportive of me and told me that God has His plans for you. Patience.. 

I agreed....

It was a quick drop by... The nurses passed me the documents, given me a subcutaneous jab, and I quickly left for work.. 

I just wanted to work... I just want to keep that thoughts out for a moment.. And working has been the best thing ever. With the stock counts and busy consultations, i started to tell myself that I should be grateful, that I am currently trying to get myself in a great shape to carry a child... And it's not that I'm not able to conceived, i can. But it requires time and more test to be done before that miracle could happen.

Telling myself to be positive.. And constantly istighfar.. 

So Mountain Bear decide to fetch me from work and we head off to the beach at night and enjoy a good meal.. 

Soon, I will be starting on my riceless meal.. 

Definitely I will share with you guys on the foods, things we did differently after receiving this news. Without me knowing, Mountain Bear took the time to research on the conditions and the vaccines that I will be taking.. And definitely I know he will take great care of me when I couldn't afford to remind myself that.

it's 0324hrs and that's for today.

Happy Weekends to all of ya! *Huggies*