..Dec 9th, Aunt Flo Came...

This may seems alil crazy but I didn't expected to see Aunt Flo until the date i'm scheduled to take the Provera Pills to induce her!

But surprise!! She came!!

And I was super super happy she did!

I recalled going to the bath room few moments before I'm heading to bed with Mountain Bear.

And BOOOMMM!!! There she is, leaving a stain on my panties as I peed.

I had the biggest smile in the bathroom!!! So glad to finally see her after 54 days from my last one!

So, let's recall what I did different this month.

I was told that after the HyFoSy procedure was done, it somehow did reset my body cycle and indeed I was worried and wondering why wasn't I having my menses in November?

I was hoping that it will help regulate my cycle to monthly.

But it seems that it's like almost every 2 months now?

So as usually I had  my Metformin 500mg dose x 3 day, ensure that my sugar level is well controlled, I did the Castor Oil Fertility Pack almost for 2 weeks before Aunt Flo came.

Basically after a shower, I will smear few drops of pure cold press Castor Oil directly onto my lower abdomen  before heading off to bed. And too my Metformin 500 x 1 at night before heading to dream land as well..

I would say that my weight now is playing around 76kg - 79kg after meal.. I know right?? Like crazy!! And I didn't have any obvious symptoms before getting my period this round.

And today is the 2nd day, my flow was pretty medium. I do see streaks of black tinted and fresh blood all at the same time flowing out! And also accompanied by cramps which is bearable.

Yes!! I am obviously counting down to the BIG day to start my clomid and conceiving!!

And I do have my Provera ready just in case she decided not to arrive as schedule next month!

So basically that's all I wanna discuss here in this post.

Soon I will be going for a fertility massage which was recommended by my in  laws.

So yeah! So excited, and I can't wait to carry Mountain Bear's child.. =)

Alright ladies! Have a great Sunday & I'm working tomorrow morning shift!! Weeee!!!

When People Keep Saying...

.....Belum rezeki nak dapat anak.......

Mountain Bear shared with me a video regarding a couple who hasn't yet being blessed with a child in their life, but somehow we, as a human, forget that everything that was given to us is a blessing!

Of course, as a women myself, I felt what the lady was feeling.. Yet she is still blessed!

Be it with or without a child..

Our life is still a blessing..
We are blessed with things that we already had!

I've always knew, from the first time when I met Mountain Bear, it was already a blessing..

Getting engaged to him, was a blessing..

Gotten the chance to be his wife, was the greatest blessing ever!

Having him by my side and being the khalifah in my life,

indeed a great blessing that Allah could ever give to me!

Never expected that I would end up marrying the man whom I knew for 10 years and everyday was a blessing seeing each other!

It's a blessing we were given the chance to see life as we wake up from a deep sleep..

It's a blessing that our body are able to function daily as it was suppose to be for duites..

It's a blessing that our senses that Allah gave to us was still functioning till these days...

It's a blessing to be given families that we constantly love and never stop praying for one another..

But indeed it was a blessing to be born as a muslim...

On a personal level, I've seen alot of blessing in my life which I may have forgotten like...

It was a blessing that I was given this trial as it makes us understand each other better..

It was a blessing when I was in pain, going through procedures to ensure that I'm all clear from any fallopian tubal blockage.

It was a blessing to know that I was negative for MMR Immunity and required to have a shot before able to start conceiving.

A blessing seeing the man who love so much, loves you back dearly...

Allah is still the best planner for everything!

Nothing in this world would go as it please without Allah's command..

And I honestly felt that if you appreciate the blessings that we had daily in our lives, we will be content. No one can hurt us anyway possible.

Knowing that Allah is with us...

La Tahzan dear self....

It's human to cry... it's human to feel hurt upon such remarks..

but always remember, will you take that remark as your weakness or take it as a motivation to be even more blessed by Him..?

Wipe your tears, knowing that feeling, seeing others carrying a miracle in their womb, seeing others carrying their child in their arms, seeing the happiness they've given to their spouse with this blessing... we envy, we felt hopeless & belittled..

Impossible we don't encounter such emotions.. Of course we decide to hide it from our spouse and portray that strong face and phrase "I'm alright!"

Allah will never give a challenge or a burden to his creation if he knew they could not.

And I believe that this blessing is something soo precious for those who waited patiently..

I have no doubt, that our precious miracle will come soon.. And my heart badly yearns to have them in my arms, reciting the most beautiful verses from the holy quran to them and educating them with the teaching of the prophet..

Lately, I felt that... I know that ALLAH will finally answered our prayers..

To have a child...

I asked him, "if i was never meant to be a mother in this life.. remove this feeling from me and don't torture me more for it by yearning.. it hurts.."

He still instilled this yearning to me more frequent lately.. And if indeed we will be blessed with a child..

ALLAHU AKBAR.... ALLAHU AKBAR... ALLAHU AKBAR....!!

(I felt so emotional that I cried as I'm typing HIS name....)

I know I will give all I could and even having a game with death to ensure my child will be born healthy and safe..

I want to give my beloved husband a generation.. 

To give him the honour of calling Ibn *his name*

Thank you Mountain Bear for continuing loving your wife..

Forgive me if I even hurt you or being harsh in emotional situations..

You knew me better and I am indeed blessed to have your child in my womb in the future..

And I am sure we will love our miracle child so much like a precious gift from heaven..

Allah tak akan gerakkan sesuatu pun kalau itu dikehendakNya..
Baik untuk hambaNya atau pun ciptaanNya..
Ada sebab why I am going through all these procedure and phases.
And I never regret going through it even though how scared I am of the outcome.
Yet I still decide to get it through and have a peace of mind after the outcome is revealed.

We planned, it's because Allah wants us too..
If not, we will not have it thought.
He gave his blessings, because كُنْ فَيَكُونُ
"Kun Faya Kun"..
(Be, and it is)

Insha Allah.... Insha Allah... Insha Allah.... 

Dari Ibnu Umar Radhiyallahu Anhu, Rasulullah SAW bersabda,

 " Wanita yang sedang hamil dan menyusui sampai habis masa menyusuinya, seperti pejuang di garis depan fi sabiilillah. Dan jika ia meninggal di antara waktu tersebut, maka sesungguhnya baginya pahala mati syahid"
(Riwayat Thabrani).

Doa Nabi  Zakaria Memohon Diberi Anak yang Sholeh

 رَبِّ هَبْ لِي مِنْ لَدُنْكَ ذُرِّيَّةً طَيِّبَةً إِنَّكَ سَمِيعُ الدُّعَاءِ

 Rabbana hablana min azwajina wa zurriyatina qurrata a’yunin, waj’alna lil muttaqiina imaama.

Artinya: Ya Tuhan kami, anugerahkanlah kepada kami istri-istri kami dan keturunan kami sebagai penyenang hati (kami), dan jadikanlah kami imam bagi orang-orang yang bertakwa. (Al-Furqan: 74).

 Doa Nabi Ibrahim a.s. ketika belum punya anak:

 رَبِّ هَبْ لِي مِنَ الصَّالِحِينَ

Rabbi hablii min ash-shalihiin. 
Artinya: Ya Tuhanku, anugerahkanlah kepadaku (seorang anak) yang termasuk orang-orang yang saleh. (As-Shaffat: 100)

Feeling Motherly Instinct & Mountain Bear's Craving?!

Hey Ladies!

Happy weekend! Hope you ladies are doing well!

So here I am, sitting in my work space, feeling tired & sleepy and aching on my lower abdomen. Did some stretchings and crunches to "induce" my period as well as taking in Pineapple Mixed Carrot Juice since 2 days ago..

Felt damn sleepy laaa~~~....!!!

I have no idea why but I keep assuming that I'm tired and have taken less meal or the effect of the Metformin that I have been on for 500mg x 3 times a day.

Also, I'm just unsure or who knows that I could be pregnant or something but that seem to be less of the case as we are currently practicing safe intercourse due to the MMR live vaccine injection which I had back on 20th October 2017.

But I will still continue to monitor.. Itchy nipple.. Oh god yes! It's like dry and flaky at times.. Applied vasaline, does help but for a short period of time. why? I asked myself again..

No soreness, no cramps or increased sticky discharges... Hmmm... maybe my period is skipping for November 2017... 

I've read in other post by other TTC ladies that they could start to conceived after a month of the MMR injection where else in my country, it stated for 3 months.

So far after much research, I found out that there is no documented incidents of fetal abnormalities on the period where the mum is taking MMR Jab before she knew she was pregnant. BUT there are documented cases of abnormalities on fetus whose mum was negative for MMR immunity.. Ahh... now that's different case.

So now the issue now, am I convinced that I'm safe to conceived now or not? Well it's more than 1 month after the initial MMR Injection. 42 days exactly! Hahaha!!

Waiting.....Waiting......Waiting.....

Ohh boy... I am so excited and happy! Somehow I felt so much loved upon seeing videos of babies and newly parents.. I've always wanted a girl.. Same goes for Mountain Bear..

Back in 2007 when we were dating, i did mentioned that I want to have a baby girl as our first child. Where she will help me cook, paint, serve others humbly and well mannered.. And being a daddy's girl in which I know Mountain Bear will definitely love her his whole heart and life.. Constantly feeling 'motherly' lately.. Having that positive feelings that soon, we will have a great start! I just feel so blessed! Insyallah! Don't give up!

We have been feeling extra so much in love with each other lately.. More than usual actually.. And actually what I found strange is Mountain Bear's appetite on certain food!

For the past 10 years, I knew that he was never a fan of Durians at all..

But lately......

.....it was like his favourite!!

3 days straight!! Eating Durian and also craved for it.. 

And only wanting to eat the good grade kind of Durian.. 

Like Musang King, XO etcs...

Once I refuse to allow him to buy Durian..

Pretty upset looking.. Then the next day I bought for him 2 packet of Musang King and hid it.. Waiting for him to got home and told him we will be eating noodle for today.. As usual he will say, "GO ahh!!" with a slight different sense that I could track from him.. Then suddenly I took out the durian packaging..

THAT SMILE HE HAD ON HIS FACE....

ALLAHUAKBAR!!

I know He was sooo happy to see it!!

"Awwww......THANK YOU BABY!!!!"

As he caress the packaging... LOL!!!! 

And I felt so happy to satisfied his craved for it

And the way he eats it...

Like making love to it!!

Hahahaha!!

And I somehow couldn't stand the smell seeping into our living and dining room..

I humbly request him to have it eaten in the kitchen..

*which he gladly did quietly*

Saving some for later and next day.. LOL!!

Totally not him..

And also, his LOVE for chicken..

specifically for this case: CHICKEN CHOP...!!

FOR 3 DAYS!!

HAHAHAHAHA!!!

I have no idea why!! But I'm like...

"AM I PREGNANT?!!!"

POAS (pee-on-a-stick) but it was negative!

Too early?!

Seriously, I felt it's weird...

I never ever seen this side of him...

#mindblown

Still not convinced that I could be pregnant!

Hahaha!! Or could it be a sign that it could be soon?

Ahh so excited!!

LOL!!

As for myself, I've lost 2kg but I craved for certain food!

Like Epok-epok.. Ayam Gepuk..

*cooked this multiple times and still craved for it*

And EPOK EPOK POTATO & MINCED BEEF!!

Sighs!!

*craving now*

Why? the sudden?!!

And knowing that around our home area, there is a stall that sells meals from 11pm onward till 1.30pm!! Freshly cooked dishes!! Temptations!!!

So yeah! Also we love to roll around the house.. LOL!!

Especially on the thick soft carpet in our living room!

Turn here and there.. Caressing it.. so softt!!!!

It's so comfy that I could literally sleep as my body touches it!

HAHAHA!! It was a productive week I had with Mountain bear last week end!

We upgraded our home floorings and also bought more items to finalized the home look! Moving furnitures here and there, so happy with each other's company!

Awaiting the chance to go out to find a sturdy bookshelves to store our heavy books & also a fake plant to add greenery tone to our cozy home..

*coz I have no time to care for a real one & eventually it will die on me*

So IKEA soon!! *excited mode*

IT'S  ALREADY DECEMBER PEOPLE!!!!!

I can't believe we are reaching the end of the YEAR!!

It was super fast and I honestly felt it pass by like a rocket!

What have we done? Any accomplishments?

So many things going on in my head!!

HAHAHA!!

Well, I will end my post right here..

And will post another update soon!

Happy Weekend!!