21st November 2019 - Another Miscarriage

It was a surprise news for us!

I became pregnant... Naturally!

Yes! 2 lines on the pregnancy test and was confirmed by a Clearblue Digital!

I was shocked myself! And same goes for Mountain Bear..

That look and smile from his eyes... Masyallah... We hugged! Really had a great emotional hug...

I had it all recorded on my phone... That was a beautiful memory... A very long awaited memory...

16th November 2019 - I found out I was pregnant when I missed 1 week of my menses..

I did not have any symptoms other than feeling 'different' in my gut.. I could not explain how but I did not have those wild "vomiting nausea sore boobs" symptoms.. All i know I was extra tired..

18th November 2019 - We went to our urgent O&G clinic to have a blood test done and I was having fever as well.. 38.1 and I started having mild cramps... We did the blood test, my HCG was 10.5.. The Dr mentioned that I was very early in my pregnancy but when doing a calculation from my LMP, I'm already 7 weeks pregnant.. They wanted to admit me but I decided that I wanted to rest at home..
Did a scan, they could not see anything in my uterus, the Dr mentioned it is normal to not see anything in the early stages. Got home and rest... I still felt uneasy for the lil beanie...

19th November 2019 - Mountain Bear was getting ready to head to work at 8am, I got up, feeling super sick... Felt extreme tiredness... I decide to go into the toilet to do another digital test...

My heart dropped, I felt super cold in my heart... I saw the results on the test... It was negative.... on both test (Digital/red dye)... I got out crying at Mountain Bear, he took a look on the test and I could hear he let out a light sadness tone before hugging me and telling me, it's alright sayang... Don't cry ok, we go back to the urgent O&G ok...

And so we did.. Mountain Bear has to go back to his work place to submit some data before accompany me in the O&G at 10am.. When I got there at 8am, they did some blood test  and asked me to wait 2 hours for the results.. Mountain Bear came... I was numb... I couldn't think straight.. What did I did wrong? What went wrong?.....

My name was called, I headed in to receive the results..
My results was 3.5... Which indicates that I'm no longer pregnant....

Urgh.... I felt like something stuck in my throat that I could not swallow it... I just can't....

We waited 5 years to see a real pregnancy test showing a positive results including blood...
I stepped out from the Dr's room.. I could not even see Mountain Bear in the eyes... I was just super sad... Showed him the results, we just kept quiet.... Done with our payment and we head home.. While in the car, I tried not to cry but I wasn't able to contain that huge disappointment.. I wanted to give Mountain Bear his lil cubs.. But he was an amazing partner.. The best partner I could ever ask from Allah SWT... I've always feel super safe being with him... Got home, and rest... Feeling super down and didn't have the mood to eat anything..

Mountain bear was around, hugging me and telling me, that if it's ours, Allah will give it to us...
I hugged him ever harder.. I never thought that I would ever get pregnant naturally and Allah gave that to me... I was able to get pregnant on my own..

The Dr mentioned that, I do not need the D&C procedure, instead he told me that in the next few days, if the HCG is dropping low, I will start bleeding like menses... which i did...

21st November 2019 - I started bleeding hard... and I saw a big long clot... And I thought.... is this my lil beanie? My heart crushed.... I cried on the toilet seat and just stare at it.... Sighs... It was hard...

Infertility sucks and so is miscarriage.. i wish no one will go through like me... But I know, chemical pregnancy is common... I leave my trust and faith to Allah on the next venture to recovery and hopefully, the chance to be a parent...

I had the week to rest.. Will update soonest on our next steps...

Till then ladies... Take care!