15th January 2020 - The Next BIG Move

IVF PROCEDURE...

Yes, that's the answer I gave to my doctor when I went for my routine appointment.

Dr Lim was nice.. She recalled back the miscarriage episodes back in November 2019 and asked me what's my next plan?

I told her, I don't want to wait any longer, let's proceed with the IVF. So she hand out to me a thick 12 page documents for me to read and she explains to me...

For a person of the age less than 30, the success percentage is 40%.. yes, 40%! I was hoping for a 60% the best but she mentioned it's 40%! While 35-40 above is 25% - 30%... i know, that's a very low percentage but that's their figure... And she explains to me the procedures.. Also they wanted to make sure that my HBA1C level MUST BE BELOW 7.0mmol/L.. If it's higher, we can't proceed with the IVF procedure.. And I will need to do a HIV/VDRL/HEP B ANTIGEN/ANTI MULLERIAN blood test along with Mountain Bear as well.. Which will be done on the briefing day.

**Read last paragraph for my HBA1C results**

I will have the details attached here.. My scanner has some issues... LOL

So after that, she instructed the nurses to prep me for a PAP SMEAR...
Yes... unplanned PAP SMEAR ladies.. LOL!!
But the best part is, this test will last 5 years before I need to repeat the next one!

And after all that's done, I was told that I will receive a call from the respective department for test and briefing..

30th January 2020 - I went to the pre-admission center to get myself ready for the procedure for egg retrieval.. So I met up with the anesthetist who explained to me on the procedure.. What kind of drug allergy & food allergies that I have.. And mentioned to I will be given propofol for the procedure...
I am alil nervous and anxious to go for the procedure.. Especially the sleeping part.. LOL! And they did the ECG on me, which is normal from my view when laying down.. hehehe...

I was amazed that my weight was previously 79kg, now it's 75kg!! And I was aiming for 70kg pre-pregnancy if possible!

So once the consultation ends, I left for work.. And for my IVF Briefing will be on 3rd March 2020, which I will update you ladies on the journey..

So got back to my clinic, mentioned to my doctor that I need to do the blood test especially my HBA1C.. I was so worried about it.. I recalled my previous reading back in September 2019 was 8.0mmol/L guys... 8.0mmol/L!!!! That's unacceptable!
So i decide from January 15th to 22nd February, I need to really fast and continue taking my Metformin 500mg BD well... And that day came! Ask my dept doctor to take my blood from my difficult vein....hehehee.... surprisingly, it wasn't painful at all!! I was totally shocked but I knew he had fantastic blood taking skills.. And sent the blood for testing...

The result is back the very next day.. I could not sleep well.. I was so worried that I needed to delay my procedure due to my lack of discipline in my food intake and sweet drinks.. And maybe was one of the cause that I had a miscarriage... I think that's the caused... So anyway, I open up the results, and to my surprise, my HBA1C results is 6.7mmol/L!!!!!! Subhanallah!!! I really wanted to cry!! I sent a copy of my results to Mountain Bear and he was happy as well!! My liver, kidney are all well!! My hemoglobin level were fantastic! Only I need to reduce my cholesterol level.. Heee... My dept Dr explains that my cholesterol level range is on the high end normal.. LOL!! So I need to reduce my seafood & fried stuffs..

Oh well, I really hope this will be the lonngggg awaited period!! I will update you guys again once the day comes!! Just like the IUI, I will update every steps and procedures I encounter..

Till then!

21st November 2019 - Another Miscarriage

It was a surprise news for us!

I became pregnant... Naturally!

Yes! 2 lines on the pregnancy test and was confirmed by a Clearblue Digital!

I was shocked myself! And same goes for Mountain Bear..

That look and smile from his eyes... Masyallah... We hugged! Really had a great emotional hug...

I had it all recorded on my phone... That was a beautiful memory... A very long awaited memory...

16th November 2019 - I found out I was pregnant when I missed 1 week of my menses..

I did not have any symptoms other than feeling 'different' in my gut.. I could not explain how but I did not have those wild "vomiting nausea sore boobs" symptoms.. All i know I was extra tired..

18th November 2019 - We went to our urgent O&G clinic to have a blood test done and I was having fever as well.. 38.1 and I started having mild cramps... We did the blood test, my HCG was 10.5.. The Dr mentioned that I was very early in my pregnancy but when doing a calculation from my LMP, I'm already 7 weeks pregnant.. They wanted to admit me but I decided that I wanted to rest at home..
Did a scan, they could not see anything in my uterus, the Dr mentioned it is normal to not see anything in the early stages. Got home and rest... I still felt uneasy for the lil beanie...

19th November 2019 - Mountain Bear was getting ready to head to work at 8am, I got up, feeling super sick... Felt extreme tiredness... I decide to go into the toilet to do another digital test...

My heart dropped, I felt super cold in my heart... I saw the results on the test... It was negative.... on both test (Digital/red dye)... I got out crying at Mountain Bear, he took a look on the test and I could hear he let out a light sadness tone before hugging me and telling me, it's alright sayang... Don't cry ok, we go back to the urgent O&G ok...

And so we did.. Mountain Bear has to go back to his work place to submit some data before accompany me in the O&G at 10am.. When I got there at 8am, they did some blood test  and asked me to wait 2 hours for the results.. Mountain Bear came... I was numb... I couldn't think straight.. What did I did wrong? What went wrong?.....

My name was called, I headed in to receive the results..
My results was 3.5... Which indicates that I'm no longer pregnant....

Urgh.... I felt like something stuck in my throat that I could not swallow it... I just can't....

We waited 5 years to see a real pregnancy test showing a positive results including blood...
I stepped out from the Dr's room.. I could not even see Mountain Bear in the eyes... I was just super sad... Showed him the results, we just kept quiet.... Done with our payment and we head home.. While in the car, I tried not to cry but I wasn't able to contain that huge disappointment.. I wanted to give Mountain Bear his lil cubs.. But he was an amazing partner.. The best partner I could ever ask from Allah SWT... I've always feel super safe being with him... Got home, and rest... Feeling super down and didn't have the mood to eat anything..

Mountain bear was around, hugging me and telling me, that if it's ours, Allah will give it to us...
I hugged him ever harder.. I never thought that I would ever get pregnant naturally and Allah gave that to me... I was able to get pregnant on my own..

The Dr mentioned that, I do not need the D&C procedure, instead he told me that in the next few days, if the HCG is dropping low, I will start bleeding like menses... which i did...

21st November 2019 - I started bleeding hard... and I saw a big long clot... And I thought.... is this my lil beanie? My heart crushed.... I cried on the toilet seat and just stare at it.... Sighs... It was hard...

Infertility sucks and so is miscarriage.. i wish no one will go through like me... But I know, chemical pregnancy is common... I leave my trust and faith to Allah on the next venture to recovery and hopefully, the chance to be a parent...

I had the week to rest.. Will update soonest on our next steps...

Till then ladies... Take care!

CD28-CD29 Feverish & Extremely Thristy

Hi ladies!


Oh my goodness.....

I am down with fever..... sore throat & runny/blocked nose..

The onset was sudden!

25th July 19 CD27 (6-7dpo?) - Had durian last night and woke up with a bad bad sore throat that it felt my throat was swollen and pretty hard to swallow my saliva.. gargle and wash up, felt better at work, such symptoms was gone. My lips has been dry and chipping.. keep drinking water still feeling thirsty..

26th July 19 CD28 (7-8dpo?) - Was at work when the fever suddenly occurred. Was alright in the morning but the fever came in around 10am in the morning.. Temperature was 37.9. Rechecked again at 11am, 37.8 and 11.30am 38.0. Told by my Dr and workmate to take 1/2 day MC and head home.. Slept and really felt tired! super super tired! Did UPT saw the faintest line which I assume as evap line although it was within 10minutes. Didn't bothered by it much. Slept again. Woke up at 5pm, Request Mountain Bear to crack open 2 coconut to drink it was super delicious!! Cooked Chicken Porridge but not much appetite, still feeling thirsty after drinking about 2L of fluids.. Pee like a mad lady at night... Slept at 9.30pm, peed at 10pm, again at 11.30pm.. and 6am peed long...
Also, notice that my OPK (Ovulation) is almost Positive for CD28.. It shouldn't be..

The control red line is lowered alil from the C, so the Test line shld be lower than the T.. (a'lil hard to see)

And the Pink strip is my OPK test..

27th July 19 CD29 (8-9dpo?) - Fever dropped to 37.7 at 10.30am, 37.2 at 12.35pm and currently at work.. still having dry crack bleeding lips and thirsty as well.. Had a cup of Tea 300mls, 250mls Ice Lemon Tea & 600mls PH water, still feeling thirsty.. Nose blocked and dripping at the same time.. had huge amount of watery CM this morning when I woke up. I thought I peed in my sleep but it was really watery unscented cm that filled my undies.. Not sure why..

AF suppose to arrive on 7th August 2019.. LMP was 29th June 2019.. so today it's the 3rd week.. Will update you again with the other symptoms..

CD18 - Positive Ovulation Soon?

Hello Ladies!

Well, today is CD18 and I am feeling pretty good!

And I wanna share the updates after taking the Traditional Medicine, Teratak Jamu.

So firstly, I start taking them on CD4 onwards and I realized that I had some diarrhea occurring.

Not sure if it was related or I was having a food poisoning. But the diarrhea continued until CD7..

I wasn't complaining of pain but it felt much like active bowel movement..

It's like my bowel are making some orchestra music which is pretty loud..

Like as if there is a baby farting in my belly or pretty big air pocket escaping somewhere..

I decided to drink a cup of Hot Ginger Tea and my goodness!!

It really makes me feel much much better!

Like the symptoms disappeared after finishing the whole cup!

But it still comes again and disappear after drink that ginger drinks.

And it continues until the next few days to CD9...

During the period from CD10 to CD13, I realized that I started feeling crampy and poking pain on my left pelvic area and on off on my right side.. I tried to google what could have caused it and some details that I found mentioned that it could be related to Ovulation gearing up..

Hmm.... interesting...., I thought.

So I was feeling really uneasy and pretty much discomfort, with the bloated tummy and gassy that keeps me burping randomly. I had problem sleeping too that Mountain Bear realized and asked if I 'm alright. At this point as well, I can't stop peeing!! Must be the trapped air that is pushing against my bladder.. Nothing I did that could relief this sensation. I was so afraid that I was having the OHSS (Ovarian Hyper Stimulation Syndrome ) but thank Allah it was all better after CD14 onwards..

Made a pact with Mountain Bear that we need to do the baby dance every 4 days if possible and our arrangement seems alright.. I really felt that the Jamu might help with the sperm production and also increase the semen quality.. I'm just guessing laa... Not sure if it makes any difference but hey! Why not giving it a shot ya?

So we manage to cover on CD8, CD12, CD16 and we will proceed to continue on CD20 & CD23 if there is a chance.. Hehehe.. I'm sure every 2-3 days is sufficient enough for the well sperm production and they can survive for 3-5 days, being 3 is the minimal duration. Trying not to pressure each other with this.. Although I really pray to Allah that He can sent those senses to Mountain Bear so that he know when is the right time to get it done.. And alhamdulilah, Allah is the best planner still! :)

I wanted to make this as stress free as possible..

And I have started doing my OPK tracking since CD10.. Stocked them up really well..

OVULATION KIT - 100pcs

PREGNANCY CASSETTE 10ui - 50pcs

PREGNANCY STRIPS - 50pcs

PREGNANCY 25iu - 50pcs

HAHAHHAHAHA!!!! Had it a on a sale from Amazon & Qoo10!! Got them all for less than $60!

And as days goes by the line are getting fairly darker.. And the latest strips at the bottom last is from today CD18 morning urine.. Wahhh.... As much as I wish it would be positive, I know it not there yet..


The last I had a positive ovulation was on CD20 and hopefully I can grab that sneaky egg this cycle!

Till the next post!!!



CD11 (09/07/19) Traditional Medicine

So here we are again!

I'm feeling much better!! Staying positive for a positive results & outcome soon!


I'm not sure how am I going to start this, and by the time this post is publish, I think it will already be mid of July or mid August..

Reason why I decide to do this is because, I wanted to give a full course review on the supplements that I & mountain bear are consuming.




Let's start!

Teratak Jamu Yusuf Zulaikha ($30 per bottle of 30s)

So after the western techniques failed us (well, it was only #1 of IUI..hehe) I decide to go on to the traditional aspect. I was really hesitant to try it as I'm afraid I might have some allergy reactions towards the herbs and content in the Jamu or simply, it doesn't suit me..

I wasn't thinking about anything particular when I was searching the web and I came to read a post in the web.. which mentioned about this Jamu.. I knew it has existed for quite sometime yet, I wasn't moved to even try on it.. I was still thinking that I could proceed with my RE plans first..

But after the 1st unsuccessful procedure, I made a decision to go tradition first during the few months break from my RE visit.

I saw over 200 posts of successful couples trying to conceive and they manage to get pregnant after their first bottle of the Jamu finishes.. Some waited for 2,4,5,7,11 & 15 years to have a child and they managed to get pregnant!!


I was like, wow.. such miracles?

I was skeptical at first.. I had it screenshot and shared to Mountain Bear..

Well, being mountain bear, he is someone hard to impress or convince to try on such stuffs.. True, he has no issue with his sperm count but how about the quality or the quantity that can swim and live up in my zone. It's a hostile world down there.. Acidic and stuffs.. They could die even before they manage to kiss the egg.. I won't know on it, it was just my imagination on why aren't I pregnant yet other than PCOS is the reason..


So Mountain Bear was like..... "Hmmm.... Alright...Let's try.."

And I told him, "let's give it a shot ok? Let's do 2 months.. if we manage to get pregnant, let's get it to 3 months before we even announce to our close families"

He agrees and I started contacting the agent who supplies it.. It was call "Muslims Valley" and I received the order on a Sunday 30th June 2019..


Surprisingly, I started having my menses on the 28th June 2019.. It was like, man! The timing is beautiful.. I had to start taking it after my menses end until the day I do my UPT..


But being me, I decide to start taking it on CD4, why?

My 1st 3 days were heavy menses and it lessen at the night of the 3rd day.. So I decide to try it on CD4..


So far, me and mountain bear have been taking 1 capsule a day.. when on CD7 we started to take 2 capsules a day.. Up until now, there is not reaction or any allergies yet.. But I do have something different happening..


Like what?

I started having some gastric reflux pain, Right & left pelvic aching ?ovulation pain and more cervical discharges.. I don't know if it's a good sign but I really hope so too!


Since I day I met Mountain Bear, I've dreamt of naming my daughter Zulaikha... And that was what that made Mountain Bear say this..

Him: "Ohhhh..... you ingat tak apa nama bakal anak kita dulu2 yang you nak sangat namakan?"


Me: Zulaikha...


Him: Ahhh... Nak kena makan ubat nama zulaikha la ni baru dapat baby...


Me: Hehehehehe... Oh ya ehh... Hahaha!! Insyallah maybe eh!!


Surprisingly, they came out with this product few years later in 2008 when I was still dating in 2006.. What are the chances that its coincidence..


So yes, I was told by the seller to continue taking in the supplements until the capsules finishes and also I've added another great item... It's call Concentrated Pomegranate Juice.. or Pati Delima from Turkey.. I can't find the health benefit stated in English but there is in Malay. It can be purchase from Geylang Tanjong Katong 1st floor or at Joo Chiat Complex... In Malaysia also, you can purchase it for RM25 or SGD8.. Method of taking it is to have 1 spoonful in the morning and 1 spoon at night before you head to bed. It taste 'thick' sour & has that back taste..  It's sugar free so might not suit for some.. (hehehehe)  I like to have it mixed with cold water and drink it like some cordial juice.

 

So I can't update much for now.. I am still in the midst of trying it.. And I am hoping for the best as well... Really hope Allah will grant our wish to have a child this year!

Also, must continue doing what's best...

Till then!!!

IUI #1 Unsuccessful...

It was such a sad period...

Hi ladies............... I apologies for running away from this blog for few months after the 6th Day IUI updates...



I was honestly feeling pretty down and upset to know the news that I had my menses on the 20th May 2019 during the holy month of Ramadhan..

It was an extremely emotional day for me and Mountain Bear was pretty shocked and felt the same as he hugged me, when I was crying my hearts out..


I know... I can still try the next month, but that physical process that I have to go through again...

After all those daily injections..........the bruises............the aches..........the vaginal probing........ and the leaves taken from work....


Sigh.......... I was feeling so introvert after the incidents...........




I just don't want to meet anyone..... I just wanted to be alone.............




Even though I did saw a faint line the day before my menses, I wasn't feeling it...........


I felt.... That line isn't strong enough.............


True enough............. I had the worst cramps ever that I almost wanted to call the emergency department on it.... But after one bad bad bad bad cramp twisting womb feeling, that sensations was gone....


and I had my menses the very next day...........


At first I tried to deny it.... I assume that it was just spotting....


But after hours pass, it started to get more and more with streaks of 'meat' that flows out as well....


Allah..................


After Mountain Bear realized that this procedure and process really affected me, I know he tried his best to keep me positive and say that we can always try again....


I wasn't myself when he said that...


In my mind, I was like "THE HELL TRY AGAIN??!! I'M THE ONE WHO WENT THROUGH THE INJECTIONS..... THE VAGINAL PROBINGS..... THE HORMONE MEDICATIONS.... THE BRUISES AND PAIN AT MY ABDOMEN..... AND YOU SIMPLY JUST SAY, TRY AGAIN?!! I JUST NEED YOUR SPERM THATS ALL! YOU DON'T NEED TO EAT ANYTHING OR GO THROUGH ANYTHING!!"

I assure you, this was in my mind... when you are taking to someone who had failed an IUI procedure and the urge and yearns to have a child, I honestly know he meant well... I know he tried to make me feel better, I know... But I just feel too tired to go through all of it again.. even though it was just our first attempt...


I was having a vision that with just the 1st cycle I could get pregnant, but NOOOOO......


God wants me to go through more obstacles mentally, physically and emotionally and religiously...


There were times I can't deny that I blame God for this.... for this unfairness....

It sucks..... it totally is..... with the increase cases of child being thrown away like garbage....




It hits me really really heart.... I just couldn't swallow the fact that it's hard to get pregnant.....

Urgh......


I was suppose to have an appointment with my RE but I rescheduled it to September... I'm not really ready to face again with these disappointments...


I just wanted to be alone and just continue feeling super super useless....

I know this is a pour out.... that I feel something I need to do.... I know some other ladies are going through somewhat the same process that I am....


I just wanted you to know.... You are not alone in this.....


There is someone on the other side of this earth that is struggling as well...


I will try my best to update again when I have some new progressions...


Till then ladies...


XOXO

6 DPO IUI Transfer

Greetings my beautiful ladies!

Thank God it's Friday today!!!

I am sooooo looking forward on having a really really long rest over the weekend!

I could not explain what I am going through fully but I will try my best to share with you!

9th May 2019, Thursday - Today morning during sahur, I was feeling tired as usual for the past few days post IUI. Notice that I still had some cramps but it was mild. Went back to bed after that and woke up 5 hours later for work. Everything seems alright, slight cramping on and off.. Sore boobs as well, but it was still bearable.. Feeling extra warm tonight in my body temperature.

But what was interesting was, in the evening when I was at work, I felt some discharges flowing out.. I was feeling alil anxious to see what will it be when I wipe it with the tissue paper.. I really hope it's not my period...

So when I wiped, I notice a thick whitish creamy discharge! Hmm.. I recalled I do get these sometime post ovulation and I told myself not to interpret anything from this findings.. (which I did google about it.. LOL!!) And that was the only time I had it! The rest of the hours were dry as sahara!

SYMPTOMS
- Creamy whitish discharges x 1 episode
- Sore Breasts
- Fatigue
- Mild cramping
- Sneezing
- Feverish warm feelings

10th May 2019, Friday - So this morning when I woke up for sahur, I started having some nausea sensations. Like having that 'sour' taste at the back of my throat. I also notice that I was having a stronger cramping sensations lower abdomen, and some pinching sensation on my left and right pelvic from time to time.. I also felt cold today.. wore long sleeves with comforter yet I felt cold.. My extremities are cold while my trunk are hot/warm.. I really felt like I was down with some flu.. Had runny nose and feeling 'lousy' in some sense.. I couldn't think straight..

I did a HPT test and it was negative.. So it means now I can start tracking for it.. Also I notice that my ovulation test kits has been high to positive readings for the past 4 days.. i'm not sure if the Ovidrel is still in my system but since my HPT is negative, I would say that the same hormones for ovulations is out as well.. I'm not sure but I will check again.. 

SYMPTOMS
- Negative HPT
- High/Positive Ovulation
- Nausea
- Strong cramping AF like
- Feeling heavy
- Sore Breast & Nipples
- Lower backaches
- Diarrhea + constipation (if that makes sense..)
- Slight Headache
- Fatigue
- Cramping on joints & thighs

Well, 6 dpo is still very very very veryyyy early to test for this pregnancy test, I shall avoid doing a next one.. Maybe on 10 dpo, I shall do 1 test.. LOL!!

Alright ladies!! Tomorrow is Saturday and I am not working!! Alhamdulilah!!

I shall update you guys next week!

Till then! Take care lovelies!